I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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