I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
