I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
im holly from the hills drunk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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