Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
