literally had 100 drinks last night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
