Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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