Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
