My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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