You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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