I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
