I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize