There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
