How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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