i permit you to call me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
