They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
