So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
