btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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