I accidentally had phone sex last night
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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