Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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