So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
