Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
