Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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