So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
