I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She bit a glass in half.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
