Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
