I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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