guys are not supposed to queef...right?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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