I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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