So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
