So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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