And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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