There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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