bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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