My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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