boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
