Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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