You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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