Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
