I wish life had little blips of pornography
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
