I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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