remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
