How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
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They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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