Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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