your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
