apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
