oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
