you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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