Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
