Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
