hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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