Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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