i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
