Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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