What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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