need another drink. this is the easiest way
You work out of a Hotel?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
