I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
