do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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