Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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