I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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